Legal Advice for other Single Mothers

First off, my disclaimer; I am not an attorney, I do not have any formal legal training. My experience is all first-hand and based on my own circumstance and opinion in Albuquerque, NM. I am not claiming to know it all, just making generalizations based on continued and perceived mistakes and hearing from okay mom’s who lost their kids (yes folks it happens, don’t be foolish).

1. If your ex leaves you and your kid(s) and sues you for custody, YOU ARE AT WAR. Do not trust this person, do not tell him anything aside from visitation and support, get over the emotional love part on your own and/or with the help of a therapist. Do daily meditation to deal with the stress, get fit, go for long runs, jogs, walks, do housework, what ever it takes to positively deal with your stress, anger, resentment that does not involve substances, promiscuity (especially while your kids are around), etc. DO THAT. Assume every action is likely being watched and judged under a microscope.
2. DO NOT GET MARRIED NOR STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS & RUN, IF YOU CAN, WITH YOUR KIDS THE MOMENT HE STARTS MISTREATING YOU AND YOUR KIDS. Your kids need YOU, their mother, useless men are a dime-a-dozen and in large supply EVERYWHERE. If you’re flat broke, even better, the government will foot the cost for all of your living expenses and you get the protection of a domestic abuse shelter.  Not glamorous, but I am going to bet it is better than staying with this person and in an obviously unhealthy situation. Of course, all you have to do is claim you were a victim and call the cops which could easily back fire, but hell, this is everyone’s go to these days. I can’t tell you how many people I have talked to who badger me to call the cops the second I don’t get what I want out of my ex. Some will even try to make me believe that I am putting THEM out by not calling the cops which I now know is a manipulative guilt trip. IGNORE, DO NOT REACT AND DO NOT CALL 911 UNLESS YOU TRULY FEEL YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER. Limit or discontinue communication with said person for your own sanity and well-being – he or she is an instigator and un consciously wants you to suffer for their own mistakes and regrets in life. Sure, if your ex is malicious and calls the cops on you for no reason, that sucks, and you just have to hope that the cops are good and decent people. Also, do not give him the advantage of being alone with him and helpless. If you know he will say and do anything he can to hurt you, do not leave yourself and your child vulnerable (if you can at all help it) and again remember; YOU ARE AT WAR.
3. Instead of impeaching Trump, someone really ought to fix the broken and abused “domestic violence” system pronto and instead of all the theatrics, give assistance to broken families and women who want to leave. Don’t make these poor women “prove it” and rely on cops who are over-worked and under-paid as it is.
4. DO NOT BRING DEAD BEATS HOME WHILE YOUR KIDS ARE AROUND AND IF YOU DO SCREW UP – DON’T ADVERTISE IT. Let me re-phrase, all men aside from your ex will be seen as a dead beat no matter what his status, so simply put, if you are a sucker and fall for men’s lies easily and/or allow bad men to control you; DON’T DATE AT ALL WHILE THERE ARE COURT PROCEEDINGS. If you are confident enough to establish boundaries, for instance, only going on dates when your ex has the kid(s), okay, but don’t get carried away and always remember your kid’s safety always comes first in the eyes of the law.
5. If you want to ensure you keep your kids, put all your energy into gaining rapport with the JUDGE in your case – HE IS THE ONLY MAN WHO SHOULD MATTER TO YOU AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE AND LIKELY HE WILL HAVE YOUR KIDS’ BEST INTERESTS AT HEART MORE THAN EVEN YOUR EX – who is likely immature and also dwelling on his own ego and your break-up as opposed to thinking about his own kids. I have now either hired or my ex has hired SIX Family Law attorney’s and ALL were awful/corrupt/etc., even one who I knew since I was a child messed up my life and dissolution big time and I not only regret that choice but also will never trust another family law attorney ever again. Representing myself was the best choice I have ever made. In this current dispute, my ex hired an attorney and constantly complains and harasses me about his cost AND I even told him before he filed suit: DO NOT TAKE ME TO FAMILY COURT AND DO NOT HIRE AN ATTORNEY – you were warned and deserve your losses friend.
6. If your ex, like mine, does not listen to you, GET AS MUCH MONEY AS POSSIBLE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE FOR YOUR KID – YOU WILL NEED IT – HE IS CLEARLY A FOOL AND SHOULD NOT HAVE MONEY NOR ASSETS OF HIS OWN ANYWAY. Every man is broke when it comes to paying child support – DON’T BUY IT. He has a financial responsibility to you and your kid.
7. Kindly explain to him, I am fair and reasonable and we are better off making decisions in our own family – just the two of us. Explain to him plainly,  “The second you file suit and/or hire an attorney, it is out of our hands completely and we are both at the mercy of the family law system which is meant to be a LAST RESORT SITUATION. Sadly, (with my ex) his mother is an instigating and obsessive lunatic and she had more power and influence over him. I have a mountain of proof to support this claim but go ahead and try to sue me for defamation, I will counter-sue you for stalking, harassment and character defamation – good luck. I pray every day you get your karma for the unnecessary problems you have caused my daughter and I will never forget nor forgive you.
8. If you do sit down with him and have the above conversation, record it and also get it in writing with both of your signatures, talk is absurdly CHEAP.
9. I have had my only partial success keeping my baby going it completely ALONE aside from very limited advice from one trusted confident and one professional – that is it.
10. KIDS ARE BETTER THAN MEN, IF YOU ARE FORCED TO CHOOSE, ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR KIDS.
11. Don’t expect anything and hold your tongue in court, hell, don’t even make facial expressions as a court clerk even called me out on that in front of our Judge and honestly, I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
12. Don’t get petty and if your ex is dumb enough to take the low road, let him, sit there in utter and complete silence with a completely expressionless face and laugh it off ONLY AFTER YOU LEAVE THE COURTROOM.
13. This is FREE advice, take it or leave it. I feel bad enough for single moms as YOU WILL BE STARVED OUT, TREATED LIKE A CRIMINAL, AND DEFAMED IN EVERY WAY THROUGHOUT THIS PROCESS – Figure out a positive way to handle it AND MOST IMPORTANTLY – PUT YOUR KIDS’ FIRST AND DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO KEEP PHYSICAL CUSTODY NO MATTER WHAT.

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