Hello Libertarians, I get it.

WARNING: WHISTLE BLOWER POST. Not for the faint of heart nor easily manipulated.

Habitat for Humanity, it is rumored to be a great worldwide organization giving back to the poor and helpless by building “free” homes for impoverished people. Well, from someone who just applied and read the fine print, I am not only unwilling to continue the application process but I am appalled that they are granted “non-profit” status with all of the un-deserved perks that go with that which The Greater Albuquerque Habitat for Humanity in no way, shape nor form deserves. Madeline Carlisle LLC is a better charity compared to the Greater Albuquerque Habitat of (Non) Humanity because at least I do my best to HELP people instead of simply kicking them while they are down (or up) as the lines seem mostly blurred these days.

So okay, here is how they rope you and/or this is how they roped me into wasting my five minutes on their website and another ten filling out their paper application; the advertisement clearly states: FREE HOUSE WITH SWEAT EQUITY. Okay, this is a great principle and it makes financial sense right, you can’t get a traditional mortgage so you donate your time and hard-work towards building your own home and homes for others who help with your home build – WRONG! You still have to go about a grueling credit  and background check AND pass with perfect colors except oh-yeah Habitat for Humanity is another hand in the pie now as opposed to walking into any US bank and getting approved directly with their lenders and/or refused which likely already happened otherwise you would not waste your valuable time with HFH at all (I mean unless you are a Mormon and/or trying to earn god points and if this is true, donate your time and resources to me please). Hmmm, you would expect some type of interest rate but no, they mysteriously leave that out and how dare I even ask because they are the great, humble and kind “Habitat for Humanity.” I am willing to bet that the interest rate is at least twice the market rate of a traditional home loan because guess what, HFH clearly needs their fair share of humanitarian effort too – in America, billionaires are the neediest people of all of course.

So here are the realities per the Greater Albuquerque Habitat for Humanity Application Instructions (and keep in mind only a lucky SIX families will be selected for this wonderful and amazing opportunity):

1. You are required to donate (at least) 550 hours of sweat equity in your home build and all people over the age of 18 who will live in the home are required to work for the home build too. Okay, on its own, sure, this makes complete sense and exactly what I thought I was getting into. Keep in mind, this investment alone is worth at least $8250 if you factor in the average (low) local contractor rate at $15/hour.
2. The Greater Albuquerque Habitat for Humanity will only purchase land in the poorest, most crime filled parts of the county, ie. if you don’t want to live in the ghetto, move on princess and don’t waste their time. It actually says this word-for-word AND one of their test questions is does home location matter to you? Naturally, you have to check no to move through the application process, therefore I failed, wahhh. Ummm, yeah, it should matter to anyone with a brain and/or any economic sense not to mention, worrying if your kid gets shot taking a stroll – how dare you try and manipulate people out of their own common sense!
3. You have to apply for a traditional $130,000 home mortgage (the high average home price in a seller’s market and an average ABQ community) and get approved by a traditional home lender before they will even consider allowing you to build your own house, in a really crappy part of town, where you can easily go and squat on an abandoned house for free. I truly know of people who have done it, yes, score, sign me up please! Okay, before you go and get your shotgun and head out to squat on an abandoned property, please also keep in mind the people I speak of have trouble forming sentences because their brains are fried from years of substance abuse… Yeah, maybe not such a great idea, right? So please go back to your ordinary, boring and over-priced lives.
4. Any credit blemishes, BIG PROBLEM, and the Greater Habitat for Humanity can not be bothered to hear your excuses, you are automatically rejected to donate your own time at your own expense on an investment that will take you 30 years with interest to pay off oh and good luck trying to sell for a profit at least not in your own lifetime and likely your kids will not want to touch your clear and obvious mistake with a 20 foot pole!
5. Greater Albuquerque Habitat for Humanity, I just dodged a bullet instead of “partnering” with you. Where is all your non-profit money going by the way? How about we all take a look at your share-holders homes and I am betting you none of you live in the communities you force your poor recipients to habitat. You are clearly a FOR PROFIT business and do not deserve non-profit status. I am positive I would get a better deal from Joanna Gaines on a home I am likely able to sell for profit with one of her stunning re-models in a valuable and safe part of town out in the country, far-far away from the problems of the impoverished communities you are forcing on un-savvy home-buyers.
6.  Shut these bastards down and stop this ugly and vicious cycle of festering poverty in Albuquerque, NM. Seriously, I feel sick and slimy for even visiting their website and will never volunteer nor have anything to do with this organization aside from warning the poor and weak to grab their walkers and RUN.

Here is my simple and easy advice to anyone who is thinking of making the same mistake I did; get a job with a local contractor, work hard and save-up as much money as possible. Maybe even talk to your co-workers about doing a very small-scale habitat for humanity type thing, you help them build their house, they help you with yours. Use your Habitat for Humanity down payment of $500 to purchase the materials in addition to saving up the $8250 (or more) in labor money you are required to donate to their organization on cheap land and materials anywhere else – there is tons of cheap, beautiful, and available land in New Mexico (as long as you do not mind the lack of ocean anywhere nearby).

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